


Hank's Great Big List of Things that Connor is Absolutely Forbidden to Do

by PseudonymousBotched



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Comedy, Crack Treated Seriously, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-27 18:45:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19796830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PseudonymousBotched/pseuds/PseudonymousBotched
Summary: Connor and Dr. Bright must never meet.This is a list fic inspired by that list of things that Dr. Bright is forbidden from doing at the SCP, except this is Connor causing hijinks in Hank's home and the DPD. You don't need to be an SCP fan to enjoy this, which is why I didn't tag anything SCP.





	1. Entries 1 through 10

**Author's Note:**

> The premise is this is a list that Hank wrote to deal with his new android son. Connor is a detective with the DPD, and RK900/Nines is his brother. 
> 
> Each chapter will have ten items on the list for ease of reading/updating.
> 
> If this idea has already been done, I apologize. I am (at the time of posting this) unaware of any previous publication on this subject in this particular style.
> 
> Yes, you may use this list as prompts/inspirations for your own fic(s). Credit would be appreciated but not required.

1\. Connor is not to put things in his mouth that a human would not reasonably do as well.

2\. Connor is to keep his external skin on at all times (unless he's interfacing or getting repaired).

3\. Connor absolutely may not exceed the limit of 2 cups of coffee per 24 hours.

4\. Under no circumstances is Connor ever, ever allowed to ingest an energy drink of any sort.

5\. Connor is not allowed to lick the dog. (Even if the dog does so first.)

5 (A). Connor is not to lick any other creature, alive or dead. 

5 (B). Connor is allowed to lick a significant other, just not in front of Hank, jesus.

6\. Connor is strongly advised not to put magnets on himself, even though they do stick and it is amusing, because it's risking memory corruption and the android version of blood clots/stroke.

7\. Connor is not to be left out in the rain (unless he is equipped with an umbrella).

8\. Connor is strongly advised to refrain from mimicking unpleasant or alarming sounds when in Hank's presence (including but not limited to: the microwave beeping, alarm clock sounds, various sirens, and the Welheim scream).

9\. Connor is forbidden from pretending to be dead, especially by temporarily cutting off the power to his LED for "added realism."

10\. Connor is no longer permitted access to the browser history on any of Hank's personal electronic devices.


	2. Entries 11 through 20

11\. Connor is no longer permitted to edit Hank's voicemail greeting.

12\. Connor is forbidden from purposefully detaching any of his limbs (except for the purposes of repair).

12 (A). Connor is especially forbidden from detaching one of his limbs and proceeding to throw it or hit someone with it.

12 (B). Connor is not allowed to detach any other androids' limb(s) for the purposes of gaining a weapon of prank opportunity. 

13\. Connor is advised to not joke about being replaced by an evil clone.

14\. Connor is advised to refer to Detective Reed by his proper name.

15\. Connor is no longer allowed to refer to inanimate electronics as "relatives."

15 (A). This also applies to firearms. And any other weapon, actually.

16\. Connor is not to use a copy of someone's voice when in an argument with them.

17\. Connor is not and never will be permitted to own a taser.

18\. Connor is never allowed to attempt to divide by 0.

19\. Connor is no longer permitted to answer the door when salespeople or other annoying sorts are knocking.

19 (A). Connor is especially not allowed to scare the religious nuts off by "speaking in tongues" (effective though it is).

20\. Connor is forbidden from answering Hank's phone with any variation of "Lt. Anderson, Department of Police Donuts, how can I help you?"


	3. Entries 21 through 30

21\. Connor is not permitted to use donuts as a weapon or annoyance in any way against Detective Reed.

22\. Connor is expressly forbidden from spilling or pouring coffee on Detective Reed, "accidentally" or not.

23\. Connor is not allowed to change the passwords of any login credentials that are not specifically his.

24\. Connor is never to impersonate rA9 or any other mythical/historical figure.

25\. Connor is not permitted to reenact an event using live ammunition.

26\. Connor is not allowed to pretend that he is his brother (RK900).

26 (A). Connor is not allowed to pretend that he is his brother who is impersonating him. 

27\. Connor is strongly advised to never purposefully inhale powdery substances (such as the good baking flour) that would inhibit his ventilation systems.

28\. Connor is not allowed to purposefully think about paradoxical situations or statements that he is aware will "bluescreen" him and require him to be soft-reset.

29\. Connor is not allowed to pretend that he understands "dog language" (especially as an excuse to emotionally manipulate Hank or others).

30\. Connor is forbidden from attempting to ingest household spills instead of using paper towels.


	4. Entries 31 through 40

31\. Connor is never to attempt repair on household appliances.

32\. Connor is definitely not ever allowed to put himself in proximity to live wires of any voltage.

33\. Connor is not allowed to throw, toss, manhandle, or otherwise horseplay with loaded firearms of any sort.

34\. Connor is not allowed to tell Detective Reed that he is planning to steal the detective's soul.

35\. Connor is not allowed to tell a religious person that he (Connor) is a demon, devil, evil spirit, possessed machine, or anything along these lines.

36\. Connor is not allowed to act like he's a human ghost trapped in a robot (even though it was funny at first).

37\. Connor is expressly forbidden from making jokes about Skynet and/or time travel and/or destroying the human species.

38\. Connor is not allowed to construct booby traps. (Even if he leaves no evidence that suggests he did so.)

39\. Connor is not to imply that he's poisoned Detective Reed's coffee.

40\. Connor must never be allowed to learn about the existence of potato guns.


End file.
